Hello,

Goodmorning I am taking my morning breakfast shake and multivitamin, I managed to Wake up at around 09:00 and I am tired to Wake up late and have the day wasted. Dreams don't come true by being lazy and by sleeping all day. I will regret it for the rest of my Life if I don't change, but everyday I am getting better. When you want something so bad you can make anything that seem impossible to possible. And I never want something so bad as the things that I want right now. Lets shot for the star!

 

It Always cross my mind from time to time when I read in the Magazines, Heard on the radio or by someone and seen on the television THE HOTTEST/SEXIEST/STRONGEST/RICHIEST/SMARTEST/MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD. I guess it's very flattering for those people that recieved that title, most of them are celebrities (obviously ). But who in the freakin Earth give those people that kinda "title"? I mean obviously those nominees for the hottest/sexiest/strongest/richiest/smartest and most Beautiful are the famous faces that we all know or Heard of, who else? I mean the strongest homeless man on the street? Or the smartest kid of an unknown family or the most Beautiful woman who lives somewhere in the squater poorest area in Latin America washing clothes with her hand for a living? Who cares about them right? They are poor, homeless and unknown I mean them we don't pay attention. How many billions of people are on this Earth? That I don't really know but a loot so how can people really say the most Beautiful person on Earth? Have everybody seen every human living on Earth? Nope, in reality there is no the most Beautiful person, probably one of the most, but not the most. There is no such as the smartest person on the planet or the strongest man either. There are many Beautiful Girls out there and the most prettiest doesn't exist. So it's just so stupid putting that title to someone. It's just bothering me to say he is or she is, which is truly impossible.

 

Lets talk about Beauty, Ok Megan Fox is one of the sexiest or Rihanna one of the prettiest, but the truth is Megan Fox in not that sexy or Rihanna aint that pretty. I have seen a lot of Girls that is prettier or as pretty as Rihanna, but they aint the most prettiest. But why? Because these people are famous and their faces we see everyday, they are automatically in our head,  they are just ordinary people, but because of the fame and Money they get pimp up and suddenly they become SUPERIOR. They've got the style, the expensive spa, they get fix etc... Status is what MAKES AN ordinary Beautiful person to the most Beautiful. If Megan Fox was not famous and so Rihanna, Walking on the street just like the rest of us, they would be just pretty and just sexy. The more famous they become the more Beautiful they become. Its just how this World is. Imagine 50cent or Neyo they ain't good looking, but because of the fame and Money it makes them very attractive to many, it gives them appeal. If they were just regular dudes Walking on the street they would probably be one of the ugliest. So status is what makes SOMEONE THE MOOOOST, without it they just blend in like the rest of us. So whoever made this things up with the BEST person in the World, must have nothing to do!

 

 

 

If you don't have motivation, how can we then motivate others? Maybe because of this place that makes me feel strange, like powerless, sometimes bored and isolated. Today is one of these days, I don't even know what to post in this blog, I don't feel sharing, I don't feel nothing. Do you have those days in the week? What would you do, to make you feel good again?.You know what could be perfect? Have the standard life like in Sweden, but live in Barcelona, ow how I wish it was like that. But it's either coffee or tea in life, not both. I feel sometimes to go back home, my head is there, but my heart is here. Proper home is very important, if you don't really have one, it's easy to give up where it makes your heart happy, to go where your heads tells you. Head or heart, head or heart?? The head says : go back home you can get a good job with decent salary, then with that you can afford to have your own place and build your life. While my heart say : stay where you are, doesn't matter if you can't get all of that right now, but you love this place, it makes you happy, the place, the sun, the people and it so much alive. We can't really fully have happines unless we are settled down. Why it has to be so complicated?

 

 

 

 

It is funny how things are working until today I am still waitiing for my phone, that supposed to arrived today. But no phone :(. I called the customer service of the company, but they don't seem to know a shit. Everytime you talk to someone they say DIFFERENT THINGS. I wonder if someone really trains them, so they know what they are doing. I am a very impatient person when someone kinda promise that " I will get it in time". So what I am going to do is just ignore about the phone and don't think about when it will come. You will see, the less I expect it the sooner it will come. Things are slow...

 

The weather makes me smile, it's like the summer weather again from one day to another. Very warmth and I would just like to sit outside and enjoy it, but I have loads of stuff to do and sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

I dislike it when people tell me how to handle my time, well guess what I would never do things for someone that I dont know by leaving my studies and work jusst for a weekend. It's funny how people really can think that I would do everything for them whenever they can. Sorry you ain't worth my time.

I am very careful who I let in in my life, that's why I am not a social person. I always say " why go with a bunch group of people try to socialize and pretend to care about life of someone" as if I care if the person I am talking too that I don't know what he or she is doing with his life. I hate being in that situation, because it always starts with conversation about what you are doing and I don't feel sharing my stuff with someone that I would not probably meet again. And I don't like that people that have to make such an effort talking to you asking questions like if he or she is so interested, whatever!

 

I have been living my unhealthy life for two months now and miracously or how that ever spells, I am still pretty much in shape,  I can still see my my abs which is good, my arm muscles and legs muscle are still there, not so tone but its still there, I can see it. Just because of the diet and workplan mostly the diet that my coach gave me. I can tell you that I have been eating alooot of crap and when I eat I eat. So now I dont have to worry to go back to level zero because I am not there despite of all the crap food, seems like my metabolism is faster than what it used to be.

 

Anyway I will go back to my workout again and follow the workout and meal plan that I had from my coach, its going to be great to be back in shape. Summer bodies are made in the winter. I know its hard specially if you have love ones and friends who don't work out you fall easily in the hole and go back to your old life, but be strong don't let temptation ruin what you are trying to achieved. This time I will do it much better and I will get the results that I want. Lets do it!

But never forget to enjoy life, I do believe in cheatmeal once in a while or few drinks with friends, but I think that is Ok when you achieve your goals, because while doing it when you are trying achieving something you will never reach there. It's like climbing on the top of the mountain, but someone keep dragging you down and no matter how hard you try you never reach it, because you allow yourself falling. What you allow will continue.

Remember You cannot live a "double life" -live healthy today and the next day live unhealthy. DIET IS THE KEY, WHILE WORKING OUT IS RESHAPING YOUR BODY, BUT DIET IS NUMBER 1. YOU DONT KNOW DIET? THEN FORGET THAT YOU WILL GET RESULT.

 

By the way my macbook is dying well atleast the charger died yersterday, which was my second one. So now I am using Ruben's computer ( kinda sucks cause its smaller than mind and its windows). I have to format my macbook too and leave it to someone who can fix the battery, which is not good either. Too much for an expensive computer that I only had for 2 years.

 

My days goes like this: Monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday and sunday. That means every single days goes as fast just like the others. Meanwhile for others its like mooooooonday tuuuuuesday, wedneeesday, thursday, friday, saturdaay, sunday. For me time is treasure, I wish I could by myself more time. We can have a looot of cash, but we can't have more time. Now thinking of it, I remember the movie of Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried " TIME" , that movie was all about TIME. People worked and live for time, the more time you've got the "richer" you are, the less the poorer and when the times runs out no matter if you are a child or a young lady you will be dead until the last heartbeat. I must see that movie again, that movie was awesome!

God please give me more time, this past few years it felt like 6 months and this summer diffinetly felt like just 1 month to me. Time is treasure make the most of it like if there is no tomorrow.

 

 

Self discipline i might say i have, but not all the time. The hardest challenge for me is SELFCONTROL, i cant controll myself when it comes to small things and even big things.  I find many excuses to not fulfill what i want to achieved, more excuses than more reasons i give to myself. Everyday i struggle by trying to control myself and i practice it bit by bit. Controlling my mind, my emotions, my mood, controlling the food i would like to eat, the food i crave and controlling my sleepy eyes everytime i am studying for hours. Controlling my impulse is one of the hardest and my anger. When it comes to impulse i get so happy in a sudden i decide to do something unplanned or buy something without really thinking if i really need it and when it comes to anger i get easily angry in small stuff specially when i just woke up, i warn you DONT TALK TO ME!!! I like to get up do my stuff eat my breakfast in peace and dont disturb me when i am busy watching series or reading something interesting or touching my phone...
If you can control yourself then life will be so much easier and it will be so much easier fulfilling the things that you want to achieve.

When my impulse is coming i need to fulfill my needs its like drugs, if i dont get it in few minutes i get crazy, angry sad and upset. But now i am better controlling my impulse. I just sometimes living it up the "goodlife" that somedays ignore the things that needs to be done like study, eating clean ( i dont always always eat clean) and sometimes i dont do my homework. Its like one moment i dont care and the other moment i get sad and angry because i havent done what i suppose to do and then i get so worried and make it like my biggest problem. Do you have control over yourself? What is the hardest thing to controll?

 

 

 

 

Everyday when we wake up in the morning we have that chance, a new chance to make things better, new chance to make new choices, new chance to start all over again and a new chance to make things different than yersterday. It is never to late, every day is a new opportunity and everyday is a new beginning.

 

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the others helps you make a life

 

 

 

Oktober är slut om en dag och några timmar. Halloween kommer, firar inte halloween och tycker inte heller att det är kul att klä ut sig, för vad för att se riktigt dumt ut engång om året? Äsch not for me. Mamma fyller år vettja den första november, det var ett år sen vi firade hennes födelsedag och hon vart så glad med lite överraskning, kan inte fatta att det har redan gått ett år.
 Önskar att jag kan åka till HongKong för att hälsa på mamma och fira hennes dag,Jag hade planerat det innan, men min ekonomi har gått ner A kassan är slut och extra jobbet finns inte längre förhoppningsvis i februari finns det mer jobb igen, så nu lever jag bara på mina studiebidrag och lån som jag har börjat tagit. Jag längtar tills jag får mina pengar tillbaka som jag har lånat ut...det är en hel del pengar...Tack och lov att jag inte behöver betala hyran i den här lägenheten som Ruben har och bara betalar räkningar som kommer vart tredje månad och det inte mycket. Maten får jag betala och sen har man hundens utgifter och mina telefonräkningar och andra grejer. Jag har inte känt mig så pank som jag gör nu, studiebidrag ger inte en säker ekonomi varje månad, det gäller att plugga och söka nya kurser varje månad för att studiebidraget ska löpa. Jag vill ha extra jobb nu!!! men det svårt om man bor en timme ifrån Barcelona...

Det senaste dagarna har jag varit negativ, negativ över livet och allt annat. Jag har en stor rädsla som finns inom mig, en stor rädsla när våran hund Blackie kommer en dag försvinna eftersom han är 14 år gammal. Jag vet inte om jag kommer klara det men det väl något som alla hund ägare går igenom hela tiden. Bara för det så tror jag inte att jag kommer skaffa en egen hund själv pga jag vill inte gå igenom samma händelse igen. Men det är en del av livet eller? Varje år blir vi äldre, ju äldre vi blir ju äldre våra föräldrar blir.  En dag kommer de också försvinna och hur klarar man det utan sina föräldrar i sitt liv? Jag vet inte varför jag tänker på sånt nu, men man vet aldrig vad som kommer hända. Livet är så kort att ibland hinner man bara inte göra vissa saker och ting. Jag vill inte blir äldre så folk runt omkring mig blir inte heller äldre, för blir jag äldre blir de också äldre.

Jag tänkte så här Rubens mormor är 94 år gammal, vad vi vet lever inte vi människor längre än 100år. Det väldigt få människor som lever så länge. Men låt oss säga att vi lever till 100 år, då kan man räkna att hon lever bara i 6 år till. Att bara RÄKNA de kvarstående år hon har kvar att leva gör så ont att tänka. Att man har bara 6 år att få vara med henne visa henne all kärlek och uppmärksamhet hon förtjänar. Fan vad livet är orättvisst ibland tycker jag. 100 år är egentligen inte mycket. Jag önskar att vi inte åldras i alla fall lever längre så man får  vara med våra nära och kära för alltid :(...Ne nu börjar jag få tårar här. Jag ska tänka positiv och ta vara på dagen, älska det människor som jag verkligen bryr mig om. Min familj, mina vänner, min pojkvän, släktingar. För kanske allting är redan försent...sen är de borta..för alltid. De kommer försvinna som att de har aldrig existerat. Det bara minne som finns kvar. Åh gud vad jag får ont i hjärta att tänka på det...

SÅ tänkt på det alllihopa ÄLSKA MER OCH HATA MINDRE. Livet är för kort för att bara hata någon eller ogilla. Det lätt och säga att " min bror  är jobbig" men sen tänk om imorgon är han borta för alltid, då ångrar man verkligen det man hade sagt. Så visa all kärlek, det finns inget för mycket kärlek att ge...det antingen nu eller aldrig.

Ruben har alltid sagt till mig eftersom han är filosofer, att döden är en del av livet. Nån dag kommer den du älskar mest försvinna bara så där och då måste man vara beredd för att det är en del av livet. Vi lever inte för alltid tyvär..

Att det är naturlig att sådana saker händer, att vi människor är gjorda för att acceptera och överleva när dagen kommer. Allt lidande vi eller har gått igenom, det helt otrolig.

Jag är så tacksam att jag har min familj, min pojkvän, mina underbara vänner ni vet vilka ni är. Jag är så välsignad brukar man säga att jag har de i mitt liv, så otrolig tacksam jag är!!! Ni är det bästa jag vet ♥♥♥

Tjena!

Jag vaknade nyss för att jag var så trött. La på sängen för att plugga med datorn i min famn, men sen somnade jag. Vaknade kl 20:00 och trodde att det var redan lördag morgon. Idag är de ju midsommar, synd att jag är inte i Sverige och synd att vi är inte tillsammans allihoppa hemma  för att fira det, för jag kommer inte ihåg sist vi firade midsommar med familjen. Kanske för 3-4 år sen. Det kändes hundra år sen i alla fall.

Jag vill i alla fall hälsa mina vänner GLAD MIDSOMMAR och till er som läser min blogg. Jag hopaps ni får en underbar helg. Om två veckor åker jag till Sverige igen :) yeppe.

Saknar min familj så jätte mycket speciellt mina föräldrar och hunden :(..